I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
