You made me cry and you don't even care
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
