shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize