It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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