I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
