Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
