oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize