If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You ruined the universe
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
