I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
