i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
