note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
