Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
