i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
