How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize