Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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