Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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