it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
