yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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