whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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