As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize