i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
