I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
