He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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