just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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