I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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