I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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