I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
