i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
