your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So much Jack, so little girl.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
