Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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