She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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