clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
