Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
