you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
