so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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