The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize