i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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