Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
