Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
