yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
