There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
