Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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