So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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