He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
