The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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