im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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