I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
