i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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