Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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