You really coming over, don't trick.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
