i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
