Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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