we're blogging at a bar
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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