They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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