It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
