im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
