Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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