I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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