Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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