I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
