My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize