I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
