Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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