So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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