I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
