First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
nutella sex= disaster
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
