after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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