I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize