I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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