we're chasing vodka with high fives
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
