my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
