I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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