She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Drake has all the answers
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
