I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
