Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
