dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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