can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
