i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
