I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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