And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Randomize
