My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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