Define "chronic" masturbator.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
