that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
