lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize