Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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