Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
