Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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