I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
