another moral hangover. fuck.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
