literally had 100 drinks last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize