I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
