It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
