tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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