How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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