Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
