My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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