Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I did not marry a roomba.
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