Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
