its not stalking. its research.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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