i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
