dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
