The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
