I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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