I think I am morally bankrupt
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize